Stop Calling It A Host Club
by KBZ
Summary: AU: Sena is your average boy attending high school, if a little cuter and smaller…. A lot cuter and smaller… As many clichés as I could fit. ManyxSena


Starting today, Sena would be attending E High School, one of the most prestigious- and expensive- schools in all of Japan. Sena looked up at the spiraling white columns with shocks of rose quarts marbling the walls. Dark green ivy crawled up along the sturdy, masonry facades. Large rose windows glinted in the morning sunlight.

One of its many quirks was that it was a four year school, which Sena had protested to at first, but his mom had brushed off his concern easily enough.

("You can just transfer out of your middle school a little early! There's really no problem to this!"

(She conveniently ignored that Sena would have even _fewer_ friends at a completely new school. Sena had turned to his dad, a dead look in his eye.

("Did you know the 'E' stands for eggplant?" his dad had said, pushing up his glasses. Not for excellence, or education, or something more, how you say, _dignified_ , but _eggplant._ "The founder really liked eggplants."

(Eventually his mother had settled on allowing Sena to transfer the second semester, so that it all wasn't that big of a shock.)

The school flag, a purple sequined eggplant bedazzled on it, waved in the breeze.

Sena looked down at his schedule again, resolving to ask for a map at the front desk before class. There weren't many students here yet; he'd decided to arrive more than a half hour early to look for his classes. His dad drove him today, as the area was new and he didn't want to get lost walking. Although, he could have taken the busses but… Sena sighed. The school didn't have _busses_. (The president of the school had pounded his fists on the table before the board of education, shouting, "LIMOUSINES, LIMOUSINES, LIMOUSINES!" until they'd given into his request.)

Sena walked to the front doors and tried opening them, only to realize they were locked. He frowned. Were students not allowed to even enter the school before classes? He was _paying_ for this-

"Are you new and lost?" a deep, charming voice asked. Sena turned around. "I'm Takeru." Next to him, a cream colored placard floated. Framed with pale snapdragons and calla lilies, and crimson roses, it read:

 _Name: Takeru Yamato_

 _Class: Second year_

 _Birthdate: October 10_

 _Height: 6' 2"_

 _Weight: 174.2 lbs._

 _Status: Captain of the swim team; public relations officer of United Athletics Club_

"How- how is that…?" Sena pointed a shaky finger at the sign that had just given him Takeru's stats in elegant, gold cursive. Sena glanced around himself. "Do I have one…?"

"Nah, only important people get them."

 _So blunt_ , Sena thought.

Takeru rubbed at his wet hair with the towel draped around his shoulders. "Convenient, though, saves time in introductions. Also, you were trying to enter the sport's equipment shed, pretty easy to spot an exchange student that way."

"Shed? W-what…How can that be-?" An even more impressive building stood next to the tool shed; four stories high, the stair steps had platinum rails, and there was a full orchestra playing classical music. That was totally not there five minutes ago. "Oh. I see." Takeru looked expectant. "Ah, my name is Sena Kobayakawa," he rubbed at his neck.

Takeru beamed down at Sena, teeth whiter than Sena's virginal soul. "Need help getting to your classes, Sena?"

"Ah, if it wouldn't be too much of a bother," he dug out his schedule from his pocket, "I need to go to front office to get a map, so I don't get lost-"

"Oya, oya," Takeru picked the schedule out of Sena's hand, slinging a casual arm around him, "let me see what classes we have together." He read the schedule. "…None. Okay, whatever, I can still show you around."

"That's not- thank you, but-"

"Shh, shh," Takeru pressed his finger against Sena's lips. "It's okay, just let it happen."

 _That sounds vaguely threatening,_ Sena thought, grimacing.

"Look, you're really cute-"

"!?"

"-but I have this club meeting I need to be at," Takeru checked his Rolex wristwatch, "seven minutes ago. Oh, hm." He turned a brilliant smile at Sena who felt the need for sunglasses. "You should come with me."

"I-"

"Great, come on. We have to hurry since we're late," Takeru held onto Sena's hand and then literally sprinted into the school, leaving a trail of dust.

0101010

It turned out Takeru had lied about being late (you know, like a liar), so that he could hold Sena's hand. It was as soft and warm as he thought it would be. They actually arrived a little early, but Sena was in no condition to point to point out how sketchy it was being dragged into a presently empty and secluded room.

Takeru motioned Sena forward, who was flushed and trembling from the Extreme Speed he had just endured. Sena mumbled something about intruding and his life flashing before his eyes before stumbling to a couch and slumping down, still shaking. He failed to take in the splendor of the club room, with its marble floors and high windows, due to his near-death experience.

" _He's_ new," a boy with long white hair said, entering the room. And Sena, although terribly weak, was still able to read the placard. It was impossible not to; the magnolias, purple tulips, and dusty violet gladioli seemed to glow, like Takeru's placard did. It read:

 _Name: Taka Honjo_

 _Class: Second year_

 _Birthdate: June 26_

 _Height: 6' 0"_

 _Weight: 161.7 lbs_

 _Status: Star football receiver; budget officer of United Athletics Club; second year class president_

He had thick books under one arm. He spread them out on a glossy wooden table, arranging them like magazines.

"His name's Sena, just transferred here." Takeru nudged Sena in the general direction of the actual club member. "Don't mind Taka, he's usually not this cold."

Sena made the vaguest gibberish sound, clearing his head and sitting up a little straighter.

"Does he have motion sickness?"

"Maybe. I ran with him. I don't think his feet touched the ground."

A pause from Taka. "Haruto's going to be here soon-"

Just like that, a blonde crashed through the window, glass tinkling as it hit the carpet. _They were on the second floor_ , Sena thought. That jump was impossible.

The blonde's placard was surrounded with Inca lilies, yellow carnations, pale cosmos, and said:

 _Name: Haruto Sakuraba_

 _Class: Third Year_

 _Birthdate: March 12_

 _Height: 6' 1"_

 _Weight: 163.4 lbs._

 _Status: School idol; tennis team second captain; member of United Athletics Club_

"There he is," Takeru said and flipped through one of the black books without a care that the room was under attack.

("Are, are you okay?" Sena went to help the blonde up, eyes wide.

("Oh, yeah," Haruto let out a shaky laugh as he used Sena's hand to get up, "there's more coming, so you should back away.")

"What are you so worried about?" Taka asked. Something seemed off, but he couldn't remember what.

"There's a very urgent-"

 _Crash_.

Just like that, another person somersaulted through the _second story_ window, but innocent Sena- who _had_ backed away in fear like he'd been instructed- ended up being crashed into. Sena and the other boy tumbled onto the ground, Sena beneath the newcomer.

"Hie," Sena whimpered as glass cut into his cheek.

"What were you doing in the way," a sharp voice hissed into his ear, enough to make Sena tremble in fear.

Deep purple heathers, scarlet ginger blossoms, and lavender wrapped around the placard:

 _Name: Shun Kakei_

 _Class: First Year_

 _Birthdate: June 6_

 _Height: 6' 6"_ ( _Are they all this tall_ , Sena whimpered internally.)

 _Weight: 187.8 lbs._

 _Status: Basketball co-captain; recruitment officer for United Athletics Club_

Shun's eyes widened momentarily when he leaned away from Sena, getting a good look for the first time; pale lilacs started to bloom around his placard.

"I'm sorry! I'm new! I didn't mean to knock into you!" Sena babbled beneath Shun. The heathers shriveled away, somehow, and were replaced entirely by lilacs.

"Shun knocked into you," Taka said. There had to be something he was forgetting…

"I've got the first aid kit," Takeru immediately removed Sena out from beneath Shun and sat the younger into his lap. He took out some peroxide and bandages.

"We've got an _inspection_ today," Shun said, still crouched over where that tiny brat had been.

Takeru stopped dabbing at Sena's face with a cotton ball.

"We have an inspection, and you thought crashing through a window was a good idea," Taka raised an eyebrow.

("What's happening? Takeru?")

"Well, you see, that's the thing. She's kind of on her way here already." Haruto scratched his cheek. "We saw her park outside, and we were still walking back from practice."

"That's why I ditch morning practice," Takeru placed a large square bandage on Sena's cheek, "more time that way."

"We need to hurry," Shun began to vacuum the carpet in the angriest manner Sena had ever witnessed.

Haruto sprang into action, sweeping up shards of glass. Taka started to aggressively file away papers, extracting documents, and shredding credit cards.

"Last semester's budget for novelty pens."

"Toss it," Takeru said, admiring a confused Sena on his lap.

("Should I be, erm, helping?"

("Just stay where you are," Takeru let out a cheshire smile. Behind them, the vacuuming got even angrier.)

"Summer semester client receipts."

"Keep those."

"Fan letters to Shun."

"Burn them," Shun said, vacuuming the curtains.

All four stopped, glancing at each other with a knowing look.

"They're here," Takeru surveyed the room. It sparkled at him. "Oh don't forget that potted eggplant. They get so annoyed-"

"Takeru, you're not in uniform," Haruto said, rummaging through a supply closet for the potted eggplant.

"Ah, I forgot to change after practice," Takeru picked Sena up, "take this," and lightly tossed Sena into Shun's unprepared arms. He started stripping.

"Hie!"

"What the-" Shun stumbled back, fumbling with Sena. He ran into Haruto and knocked the eggplant out of his hands and sent it crashing to the floor. Sena and Shun tumbled onto the floor once again, Sena sprawled atop Shun's chest.

Takeru, blindly flailing out of his athletic shorts, knocked the table over, sending parts of the black books into the shredder.

"Aw, shit."

"Get _off_."

"S-sorry, sorry!"

"The eggplant!"

"What is happening here?" a harsh female voice asked. Her placard shined at them, with a professional black border:

 _Name: Megu Tsuyumine_

 _Status: School board member; head officer of the budgetary department_

Sakuraba cleared his voice. "This isn't that bad-"

Another boy crashed in through the window, sending more glass flying. The boy groaned a bit.

( _We're still on the second floor right? How are they doing this?_ Sena thought. He ducked closer to Shun in order to shield himself. Shun stiffened, cheeks started to heat up, and pushed Sena off.)

 _Name: Kengo Mizumachi_

 _Class: First year_

 _Birthdate: December 31_

 _Height: 6' 7"_

 _Weight: 189.0 lbs._

 _Status: Basketball team co-captain; United Athletics Club member_

Haruto turned back to the woman. "At least no one's hurt?" he nudged at Kakei, who slapped both hands over Sena's cheeks to cover the injuries.

Kengo turned his face at them, streaming blood, "Did I miss the inspection?"

0101010

"Missing members from a mandated inspection," Tsuyumine rattled off every infraction, "damaged products, half-damaged financial statements, a non-member present during restricted business, reckless behavior, out of dress code, and a broken eggplant." All the students were lined up in front of her, and she walked back and forth, examining them all with critical eyes. The Takeru boy, annoyingly, was still half-dressed.

Shun stepped forward. "With all due respect, Ms. Tsuyumine, you know that we have never presented the club like this before." He glanced down at Sena, blue eyes glaring. Sena paled.

"I don't like hearing excuses. Clean this mess up and decide what you're going to do with the new kid. I'll be back in two weeks. If you haven't figured things out by then, we're shutting this wannabe host club down." She slammed the door on the way out.

… _Host club?_

"That honestly wasn't too terrible," Kengo said as Sena wrapped gauze around his head. He leaned in a bit closer than strictly necessary, and of course, he probably could have done a better job himself..

"We still have twenty minutes before class," Taka said, "we need to tell Sena what's happening."

"I would appreciate that."

"Dear Sena," Takeru strode gallantly to center of the room. "We are the United Athletics Club. We gather the most promising members from the most successful sport teams from the school to meet and plan," he raised the broken eggplant into the air. "We raise money for the school through various means and entertain guests daily after classes have ended."

Kengo nodded eagerly: "Like a host clu-"

"Not at all," Shun said, "don't call it that, idiot. We're all underage, that's illegal." Shun looked at Sena. "And you need to leave, this is member-only information."

Haruto said: "Why don't we let him join?"

"A splendid idea," Takeru swirled Sena around with him in some bastardized form of a waltz.

"Yeah!" Kengo snatched Sena away from Takeru and started spinning.

"I'm down with that," Taka said. "He has a certain charm that can reach a previously unreachable demographic."

"I recruit members," Shun said, crossing his arms when Takeru stole Sena away again, "he's not in any clubs, and we don't know if he could even get in the top tier of any of the teams."

"We've made exceptions before," Taka said. Haruto looked down at his hands.

"I say no."

"Let's put it to a vote, then," Taka took a piece of chalk and wrote on the blackboard. "All those in favor, raise your hand." Shun found himself the only one with both hands on his lap.

"Fine," Shun said.

 _I should have just broken taken the bus- er limousine to school and avoided all of this,_ Sena thought, getting dizzy from Kengo now spinning him. But, at the sight of the four tally marks on the board, he at least now had some familiar faces to look for around the school.

When the first bell rang, Haruto, Taka, Kengo, and Takeru left, leaving just Sena and Shun. Shun got stuck with sweeping up the glass and had denied Sena's efforts to helps. As luck would have it, Shun and Sena had their first morning class together.

Sena fidgeted with his backpack, waiting for Shun to guide them to class. The tension was thick.

Shun cleared his throat. "After school, just come back here for the meeting." He put the broom away. "Let's go."

"Thank you, Shun," Sena said as they walked down a hallway.

"For what." Shun winced at his own tone, not liking how cold he sounded.

"I know you don't…" Sena squirmed as they walked together. "Don't… particularly want me in the club, but th-thank you for helping me out anyway."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Eh?" Sena looked up, eyes wide and warm. "But when we knocked into each other, you made sure I didn't hurt my head."

"Hn." Shun walked faster, covering his mouth.

"And the second time," Sena quickened his pace, "you took the fall so I didn't get hurt then either."

"Coincidence." Shun could feel his cheeks heat up gain. He wondered what kind of flowers framed his stats sheet now. Something for annoyance he was sure.

"Also, you had me rest, even though I should have been helping tidy-"

"Don't mention it," Shun stopped in front of a door. Sena ran into him, the sudden stop and his momentum being too much. Shun ignored the little noise Sena made. "Anyway, we're here."

"Thank you, though," and Shun couldn't help but look down at smiling Sena.

"Y-yeah, don't worry about it."

He let Sena enter first, while he sat down in his seat. He looked out the window in annoyance and thought back to the vote. He tried to ignore Sena stutter through his introduction to the class, pink cheeked.

Why hadn't Shun wanted Sena to join? Simple. Sena was basically every UAC member's type. Including the ones Sena hadn't met yet.


End file.
